Answering Machine
by Obviously Insane
Summary: Oh, wait, before I go, can you do me a favor and erase the messages before you listen to them? Thanks. Okay. Bye.


**Answering Machine**

Roger Davis walked into the empty loft, silently thanking God that Mark was gone. After sleeping over at Mimi's place for the weekend, and not actually sleeping the entire time, he needed some peace and quiet in order to rest up. He took off his jacket, placing it on the table in the center of the room. The flashing lights of the answering machine caught his eye, and he was startled to see that they had seventeen messages. Immediately, a dozen horrible scenarios played through his mind. Was Collins okay? He had been looking thin lately.

No, that couldn't be it. They would've called Mimi's place, and the phone hadn't rung once. Roger shrugged, figuring the only way to find out why he had such a substantial amount of messages would be to listen to them. He pressed the button and let the messages play:

"Hey, Markie! It's Nanette Himmelfarb! From the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center? I hope you remember me. I got your number from your friend, Mimi? Anyways, I was hoping we could catch up with coffee, or something. Call me back!"

_Beep._

"I just realized I forgot to leave my phone number. Sorry. It's 555-8769. Just ask for Nanni? Okay? And if some guy named Seth picks up, just tell him your name is Lydia and you know me from work. Okay?"

_Beep._

"Not that Seth is some creep, or anything. He's my older brother. I don't think you ever met him. But he's extremely overprotective, and the last guy that tried to pick me up on a date ended up in the hospital."

_Beep._

"Oh, and I didn't mean to say this was a date, or something like that. Because it's not. Unless you want it to be. Which you probably don't. Oh God, I sound like a total psycho right now, don't I?"

_Beep._

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you called! Thank God you listened to my instructions, even though you told Seth that your name was Lucia. But whatever. Not like it matters. Anyways, I'm okay with any day. I'm pretty much free. Not that I'm anti-social or anything. But lately my calendar's been pretty empty. So, basically whenever you want to go. And yeah, it's fine with me if we go the Life, wherever that is. I've never been. Anyways, your answering machine is probably about to cut me off. So I'm going to go. Bye!"

_Beep._

"Hello, Mark! It's Mom--"

_Beep._

"MARK! It's MAUREEN! Oh my God, guess who I saw today? Nanette Himmelfarb? Remember? That chick you used to have this massive crush in high school?! She looks totally hot now; she lost all her baby-fat and her boobs are kind of big, but not like Hooters-status--"

_Beep_.

"Hey, Mark! I know the number of times I've called you in the last few days is borderline-stalker-like, but I'm really looking forward to seeing you again! We haven't talked in such a long time, unless you count these answering machine messages. I guess we just keep missing each other? Anyways, if you want to call me, I'm going to be home for the next few days. I unfortunately caught some kind of bug, probably on the subway. Call me!"

_Beep._

"Aw, Mark. I just called to say thanks again for the soup. You really didn't have to come over like you did. That's probably the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me. I swear, one of these days, I'm going to get better, and we'll finally go out for that coffee."

_Beep._

"Just our luck: the only time I've been out of the house for three days is when you call! I swear, I'm going to stay right next to my phone until you call. And yes, I'm doing a lot better, thanks for asking. It's probably because of that miracle soup you gave me. Bye, Mark!"

_Beep._

"Mark, I just scored some weed. Come over."

_Beep._

"Hey, Mark, I called you last night, but you weren't there. Oh well. I just got your message, and yes, tonight at seven is absolutely perfect. I'll see you there."

_Beep._

"Mark. It's Nanette. Good morning, I guess. Um, I kind of still have your pants? You left without them. Oh my God. You said you had a roommate, didn't you? Uh, Roger, if you're listening to this, this message is just a dream. Anyways, sorry. I'm hanging up now."

_Beep_.

"You're really sweet, Mark. I don't deserve that. And no, I don't think you took advantage of me at all. Don't even think that for a second. If anything I probably took advantage of you. Really. And can I just say that you're the coolest guy I've ever met? Even after last night, you still want to see me again. I mean, whenever I sleep with a guy on the first date, he never calls me again. Not that I make sleeping with guys on the first night a routine thing. Okay. Officially hanging up now."

_Beep_.

"Oh, you can come get your pants anytime. Except wait until after two o'clock. That's when Seth leaves for his business trip. He didn't catch you when you snuck out this morning, did he?"

_Beep_.

"Oh, good. I was worried he'd catch you. I swear, I am moving out of his apartment when I get enough money. Anyways, we're still on for today? At three? Call me back."

_Beep._

"Uh, hey, Roger? This is Mark. It's weird calling my own phone. Our phone. Anyways, I was just calling to say that I'm probably not going to be home for a couple of days. Nothing's wrong. I'm just busy. With...things. That are work-related. Yeah. Bye. Oh, wait, before I go, can you do me a favor and erase the messages before you listen to them? Thanks. Okay. Bye."

_Beep._


End file.
